Monday, January 16, 2006

Cronkite at Pearly Gates Court


Cronkite: Time for U.S. to Leave Iraq


From yer intrepid judgement day reporter on the scene:

Magistrate: "Ah, yes, the famous Mr Cronkhite! We've been waiting for you."

"Lessee what we have here... hmmm.. Personal life, not too bad, for a casual believer, a little excess here and there.. swearing, etc... lust , oh my! You had an active off camera life. Ah, well ... now, influence on others: Oh-oh, Oh my goodness LOOK at the BODY COUNT racked up against YOU!"

Walter: "But.. but.. I never killed ANYONE!"

Magistrate, peering over nose perched reading glasses: "My boy, you're no Hitler or Stalin, for sure... but you are right up there with Attila the Hun in the numbers."

Magistrate reading: "Deaths directly caused by influence of word or event: unnecessary battles - 78,925; Drownings or deaths at sea, civilians escaping oppression - 168,768; Executions or deaths in internment - 56,127....."

Walter, interrupting: "But I'm just a NEWS GUY!"

Magistrate: "Hey...I'm just a judge, here! That's what the book says and it's always proved out."

"Sez here in the border notes, you're the most trusted man in America... didnt you think of that?"

Walter: "Well, sure, but i just offer my opinion.."

Magistrate: "Opinions, like cross words spoken in heat of anger, have consequences, old boy!"

Walter: "But my intentions were good, I meant to save lives..."

Magistrate: "Well, you know what they say about the road to Hell... looks like you're gonna find out, first-hand."

Walter: "Wait.. wait.. don't tell me that Bush actually..."

Magistrate: "Bush.. what's he got to do with it? That's only about your Tet statement."

"Fortunately for you, the only one who's gonna get black marks for cuttin' and runnin' in Iraq, is Bush's daddy. Most people knew you were full of it when you blathered on about Iraq, so you get a pass on that"

Magistrate, to bailiff: "Take this one to the down-elevator waiting room. Next!"

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